Catching my breath

After every baby, there comes a point (usually when the weather is good and my baby is bigger) where I feel a lot more grounded and much more present and I think, "Oh, yes! THIS is what happy feels like!" It's like taking a long, deep, relaxing breath after gasping for air for so long that the gasping felt normal. It's the feeling of hitting the pillow after an exhausting day and instantly falling into a deep sleep instead of anxiously tossing and turning all night. It's remembering that peace comes in the every day small moments, not from the hustling and not from meticulously planning and trying to control the future. It's noticing the breeze and marveling at the expansive sky. It's moving my body. It's being still. It's asking questions and being curious. It's challenging myself. It's showing m self grace. It's good conversation. It's feeling understood and known. It's putting down the heavy things I'm carrying (or the not so heavy things) to go outside and play. Sometimes it's therapy. Sometimes it's medication. It's witnessing life through my children's eyes who intuitively know how to live from one moment to the next. It's tapping into the instinctive and powerful love that I have for them just because they ARE, and having someone to share that love with. It's letting go and letting God, and trusting that when the gasping comes back, like it always does, that I will always catch my breath again.