Today Kate is ONE!!! In the last couple of weeks, she basically quit nursing cold turkey, she walks more than she bear crawls, and she can go with just one nap on the days we need/want her to. Kate has been our happiest and most easy going baby. A couple of months after she was born, we started calling her Kate "happy to be here" Hall, because she really is just happy every day! She's busy, bossy, smiley and fun, and we love her to death!
I never felt ready for Kate to come into our lives. I don't know if it was because I felt like I barely survived when Jack was a toddler and David was an infant (I thought you were supposed to block out the hard things and only remember the good?!!) but it was really hard for me to imagine how another baby could fit into our lives. Before she came, all I could think of was the anxiety that comes with a baby under one - the sleepless nights, the inconvenient two to three naps a day, the demanding nursing around the clock, and the constant crying that makes me feel on edge. And I really couldn't imagine doing all of that again while taking care of two active and demanding little boys!
But ready or not she came, and I was reminded of what I had forgotten - the early morning and late night snuggles, the little coos and squeals, the tiny fingers and toes, the miraculous breaths of a newborn sleeping baby, and the rush of overwhelming love and joy! I was reminded of God's grace - that "grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once [my] fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is [my] constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves [me] through the tunnel... it is not a finishing touch; it is the Finisher's touch." (Brad Wilcox)
There were a lot of other things that I didn't feel ready for this year besides just having Kate. I didn't feel ready to move across the country with a 2 week old or to send my oldest baby off to kindergarten. I didn't feel ready for the late onset of postpartum anxiety or the new-to-me postpartum insomnia. We certainly didn't feel ready to lose Debbie. But through it all, Kate reminded us that there is light and love to be found even in our darkest days, and that God is fueling us and carrying us as He changes and transforms us. God is good and Kate is living proof of that!
Happy birthday baby girl!
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Birth video one year late :)
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